Found this after my post: Lolita Effect - Empowered Sexuality

The best scene out of New Moon (and the only one that really deserves mention) is where Thom Yorke's amazing song "Hearing Damage" is played. The redheaded vamp weaves together all the scenes, running, jumping, swimming.
Everyone else around her in this scene ends up dead, is defeated, and the vision of her sends the main character Bella into a fear that leaves her unconscious. At the end of the scene, the song finishes and we see Victoria's head in the water on the horizon. So while all the main characters are having overwhelming emotional crises, there is something deadly permanent about the redheaded vamps presence that seems to magnify the reality of what those emotional crises are really about: death, the wanting of death, the carelessness we take in life, the desire of darkness. All coupled with Thom Yorke singing about letting the voices in and the overwhelming sense of inner despondency. The main character, Bella, jumps off a cliff, to her delight survives and then is pounded mercilessly with violent waves of awareness and the reality of her love: DEATH DEATH DEATH.

A scene like this makes me wish the source material was better. The character of Victoria (and the actress that portrays her is supernatural in her portrayal of the emotional complexity of this scene) along with these themes would be a great book and far more cohesive instead of Mormon interludes about vampires having souls. Because obviously what this scene evokes in the whole Twilight series... is that when reality hits home, loss, abandonment, darkness... that there is absolutely no "morality", no life, no will for life. The whole series seems to be about this ritual incantation into lifelessness and death, but we only see the personal violence of this in 5 minutes.. and then we go back to believing the story is about true love, high school and relationships. It is not. The series makes a serious claim for darkness.

But I love Thom Yorke and only he could evoke the truth out of something like this. Thanks Thom!!

sold my first car.. actually a truck. Trucks are way cooler than cars (besides Saab).. way cooler shit going on, shocks and rotors and engines.

it took awhile to settle in. that sale just gets me closer to where I'm going in the world. its about gain on my life path. cannot dwindle THAT SIGNIFICANCE down to money or bonuses.... :)

if the government takes more money from people and this time DIRECTLY to support the for-profit insurance companies

people will riot.

if health care costs continue to rise as well, there will be riots.

Congressman Dennis Kucinich after voting against H.R. 3962 addresses why he voted NO, stating:

"We have been led to believe that we must make our health care choices only within the current structure of a predatory, for-profit insurance system which makes money not providing health care. We cannot fault the insurance companies for being what they are. But we can fault legislation in which the government incentivizes the perpetuation, indeed the strengthening, of the for-profit health insurance industry, the very source of the problem. When health insurance companies deny care or raise premiums, co-pays and deductibles they are simply trying to make a profit. That is our system."
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I absolutely loved this quote from this very self-aware farmer in Food Inc: "Why don't we make the primary goal of our national policy... to reduce peoples visits to hospitals and doctors by half".

And its true; if as a nation, we become emboldened with the truths of America and what she was founded on (even though I was thinking today about how the founding fathers used their broad philosophical terms "liberty" and "the pursuit of happiness" to cover up the reality of Indian slaughter and slavery and poverty)... to have the courage to be so self-aware of our bodies and our health... it will be a primary way, biological, way.. a start to experiencing PURE FREEDOM.

and i wish i could have it back.
course and unsure and sometimes agony, all those things, mostly it was beautiful.
2008 was my year of beauty, to make my life into this crystalline beauty.. and in my journey, i cried pain to let it be beautiful. courage despair and appreciating the fragility of life. beauty.

"I believe in the future
I may live in my car
My radio tuned to
The voice of a star"



The beauty that Tori amos describes: "We scream in catherdrals
Why can't it be beautiful"

cited as the perfect follow up to Jonze's "Where the Wild Things Are" and West's blow up at the Video Music Awards

We Were Once A Fairytale

in this video, ego possession in hollywood elite is considered the fruit of real possession.
the fairytale aspect, i would say, is that there used to be real joy in writing songs and performing.
but not its turned into a big machine of recognition and money.
the subtext is incredibly rich in this.

Singing makes me rumble inside and clears me out into better richer feelings of sincerity and truth.

i just wrote this awesome piece of my love awakening on I-5, driving from Seattle to Everett to bail someone out of jail. And having my heart creak open and come alive in a way that it hadn't since I was 4. And the internet ate it. :/

Last night I dreamt that Dr Suresh (from heroes) was designing some sort of social formula to solve all the worlds problems. Particularly he was present at one of my family's functions, a funeral it seemed, which is the most common of my family's functions. He came up with some sort of algorithm of human hormones that abated or stopped the fighting, the grief, the anger, the resentment while still letting people experience their own humanity. It was humanity without the ugliness or the darkness. Peoples bodies were upgraded essentially and no one could choice anymore to be so hurt and wounded. In the dream, Suresh and I did not exist in the same time dimension, so while he worked, I would come to him and he'd transform himself into a horse and I'd get to gallop around the Irish countryside. :)

Almost brave
Almost pregnant
almost in love...